Energy Forms

I am carrying this, whatever it might be, listening to the music and fashioning myself as I write. You have dreamed me into being, but you must understand by now that the reality, no matter how close to the vision, is never the same as the vision. This is necessarily so, since what was in your head cannot be standing before you. Nothing can be 2 places at once, as far as our limited understanding is concerned. And anyway, who is ever who you thought they were? They can only be who you think they are, and yet the new thing you just learned about them is now a new version of who you think they are and not who you thought they were, for good or ill.

At this point, I am committed to nothing, so there are many possibilites as to what could happen next and there’s no reason to commit. I would just find myself disappointed, crammed into a choice. And from inside that choice, I could watch my other worlds sail by without me. But I suppose this is always true.

Who am I and what does this entail?

I am color and light and sound fixtures. I perceive with the five senses and awarenesses, process it all with the sixth, find I am more confused than ever.

I am colored patches of light moving through, or at rest in, space: a momentary composition of ceaseless vibratory frequencies continuously finding patterns defining the boundaries of the physical I am. I am a soundless voice I can’t really physically hear droning on in my head. I am wisps of dreams I have forgotten. I bring with me the memories of my now nonexistent past. I am a limited being living in a world of limited beings all with limitless capacity. Almost all of them are strangers--yet who am I? While some might appear or act incomprehensibly to me--and I, most definitely, to them--on some level I know that we are all the same in that we are a multitude of limited human beings with limited human views, needs, desires and understandings. I feel, though, on an even deeper level, that there can be no disagreement about the way things are, really, because we are all expressions or gestures of the essence of the universe. This space of reality I find myself in is infinite, and is that which causes me; and if Buddhist thought is as accurate as it feels, this mindstream has been cycling from beginningless time, karmically crashing into others throughout the boundless expanse of time, all attendant causes and conditions to bring me to “who I am” today with this particularly precious human existence.

Agree or disagree, we are having some fun now while time "flies" as this precious human existence passes us by in the wink of an eye and next time round where will we die? I don’t know from this point, this infinitesimally tiny spot in this limitless expanse of space. And I think it's likely that even if one becomes a Buddha, one doesn’t know, exactly. It is beyond that. Knowing, perhaps, becomes the Buddha, beyond such limiting concepts of knowing. The universal, the infinite, the Unknown, the Buddha's Mind, becomes the “known” in-the-flesh, here all along.

If looked at from beyond vision--if looked at from further than the limiting confines of that mind which abnormally uses this body/mind--to really tune into this now, free from all its insecurities, true knowing is beyond knowing and is not possible.

And such limited knowing ends, perhaps, with a kind of flashpoint of awareness, something like that: It is always now and it is always the Big Bang.

It is so infinitely brilliant, so infinitely intense, so powerful that it can’t be perceived on the human level and must be relegated to the distant past in order to even begin to think about it. And we're witness to it: every ceaseless moment of its birth.

Just what does energy form?

Impermanence?

Set this down now, right here...wonder what's in it...is this? is this garbage?